The change wasn’t noticeable at first. When everyone on the Comm Team was in their role I was busy with the RISKS initiative and sermon series. I helped create and craft the RISKS promotional campaign and with a house move, Liam being born and the holidays the rest of the year flew by fast.

At the beginning of the year I was doing well still. Nancy and Nick had wanted my role to morph into one of the “idea/creative guy” that was along the lines of The Big Idea. There were moments where this worked well. Early in the year it was with the sermon series Unlikely in which Nick and I came up with the concept for the Jonah animations. That was fun, for me, to write and storyboard. Since then, though, the work has dropped off.

There are many on staff who like the concept of The Big Idea, but getting our structure and mindset to that paradigm is taking time. And, with the new Comm Team personnel taking on their roles with great success it meant my role and responsibilities were diminishing. It was an interesting place to be in. I was excited for the Comm Team going to the ubiquitous next level and doing tremendous things, but I wasn’t as involved. The opportunities and projects to be the “idea/creative guy” were few and far between. The meetings in which I did attend for creative planning for sermons and projects were usually filled with admnistrative talk that wasted most everyone’s time.

So what to do? I knew that my role would be lessening, but there were many times I didn’t think myself a part of things anymore. No one was trying to single me out, in fact many people were telling me how much they appreciated me. My leaders made sure to tell me how much good I’d done. I appreciated it, but I was still in this weird state of flux.

I didn’t want to be complaining because I am an unabashed supporter of where Christ Community is at and where it is headed. I am grateful for Mark Ashton being the Lead Pastor. So how to approach this?

When I first heard Dan Allender speak two years ago he made a great impact on my life. It was then I first heard of his Writer’s Workshop. Immediately I wanted to attend. Last year I attended the Willow Creek Arts Conference where Dan Allender was one of the featured speakers. And again I wanted to attend the workshop. But what about the timing and the cost?

Earlier in the year, with me wondering what was going on with life and work, I decided to do the workshop regardless of the cost. Why? I just thought I’d get some direction about the next step.

When I talked to Nancy Fager about doing the workshop she was excited about the opportunity and provided me the time off to do it. We also discussed my current role within Communications. We both were on the same page as where things stand with my role. She understands the transition I’m going through, because she is also going through it. She also knows that some of the hopes we’d have for the role aren’t really panning out. Right now all I do is IT. I’m glad I can do the role, but I never wanted to do IT full-time. I also am not directly involved with “ministry”. My role has altered into one of a support role. I don’t mind that, there are times for that, but I think I can (and should) be doing more. Nancy agreed, which was nice. The leaders who are aware of where I’m at have been extremely supportive and helpful. Another reason why I’m grateful for Christ Community.

Recently, there have been some opportunities that have presented themselves at Christ Community. There has also been an offer outside Christ Community in the marketplace, but I don’t see that happening. What will happen? I don’t know. Perhaps I’ll meet someone out here from San Diego and there’ll be an opportunity.

The thing that really weighs on me is Jana and Liam. Another aspect I wrestle with right now is I don’t want to spurn what I have right now, for something less, because I’m able to provide for Jana and Liam. It’s a wonderful thing. There have been many times this year where I’ve come home from work frustrated or down, but then I get around Liam and he instantly lightens me up. I want to make sure he has everything he needs. I don’t want to blow a good thing just because I’m a little down.

All this and more is what I’m wrestling with currently. Today the Writer’s Workshop starts. Over the course fo the next four days I’ll be, well, I really don’t know. I just know Dan Allender… Well, I’ve heard Dan Allender and read some of his stuff, but I know enough and have experienced enough to know that God will use this time for my benefit. I’m banking on it. I don’t have anything I’m clinging to, right now, outside of God. I really felt that when I arrived at the hotel yesterday. The feeling of vulnerability I haven’t felt in awhile and the need for God.

I don’t think things can just be the status quo, but I don’t know what’s beyond Monday. I don’t want to feel pressure to “find something” while here or come to a decision.

I guess we’ll find out what happens.

I’m ready.

into the great wide open
under them skies of blue
out in the great wide open
a rebel without a clue
–Tom Petty

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